| stuff i want |
[Oct. 13th, 2004|11:19 pm] |
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cold medicine. that's all i need to complete the zombification of my mood. this could be wonderful with some prescription cold medicine with some codeine..if not..then anykind will probably do..maybe more melatonin..that stuff is so funny..it just makes me not want to move but it's supposed to help you sleep but it's so harmless..you can't overdose..it's like impossible..it's natural and it's not really habit forming..it just sucks that i'll probably only get about three hours of good sleep or something like that. it's nice. i want it to be summer again. everyday should be like this. definitely wonderful like this. everything should feel like this. everything. it's not druggy feeling. it's just not really comfort either..it just starts closing down stuff. especially during the dark. night time. dark. it's secreted by the pinneal gland during light to dark changes. if there is none, you just get kind of relaxed..but not really. it's hard to explain. it's fun though, because it's so lame compared to actual drugs. drugs drugs drugs...melatonin supposedly might be able to help with insomnia. i had that for a while. i think it was only because i wanted it. yeah, that's good. i'm watching conan obrien..i haven't laughed yet..i can't tell if it's me or him..weird...i can trust my oldest friends to think of my emotions and me as a person before they do things. no i can't. good old friends. and they wonder why i say i don't really like them all that much and that i don't miss them. i like distance. it makes some things a whole lot easier. i don't need best friends or good friends..i have myself and emotional distance..and conan obrien |
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| you wanted an update. |
[Oct. 10th, 2004|02:26 pm] |
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This guy who is my biological father sent me mail saying that I was "building my case" against him, because he owes multiple thousands of dollars in child support..like so many other people I know. But this is different. Really. the fucking bastard accuses me of building a case against him. i don't give a shit about the money he never paid..and i'd like to say that i could do without it, and actually when i think about it I probably could somehow, but I think it would help my parents out a lot. and then he goes on making like we're going to fucking talk now and make everything all better and keep in touch. fuck that. and he's talking about my major and how he's so happy that pursuing something about artistic expression and then he says "still trying to find your muse?" you're my fucking muse you little bitch. apparently he thinks i'm going to like sue him and shit and he's talking like after this "difficult situation" that we'll be good ol pals. what the fuck about the difficult situation eighteen years ago. i want him fucking dead. speaking of which, my grandpa carson, his father, is now dead. and i don't care. i would like to, because i learned that he was a good man. at least that's what my mom says. and i know that he actually came down to see me twice. he was nice. and now he's dead..and i carry his name. it's weird. if i ever meet roger, i'm beating the shit out of him. |
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| Space Journal. |
[Aug. 27th, 2004|03:18 pm] |
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Stardate 2015: The stars have hidden behind the planets. Stupid stars. They have no clue what they're doing. I think I can see a star crying. Somebody should have been more gentle while playing hide-n-go seek. I guess the star was found..and pushed. It just wasn't bright enough. We finally breached the level 3 security clearance of the enemy ship. We docked at 700 hours and ate lunch for 300. We're a lazy space crew but it's how we do. We were attacked by an unknown being with severely immense power. Severely immense. Yes. One should watch what they do with the severely immense power. Especially when one is my enemy. If one becomes two, I'm running away. That's not the kind of immense power that I want to deal with. That's for sure. I like it when my voice fades. It throws the enemy off. He sets his laser down. Then, I attack. They never expect it, but it happens. I hope the enemies are pleased. Those aliens them. Yes, flying through space at top speeds of not really flying at all. I forgot how the Improbability Drive off of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy works...oh well. |
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scootm's journal
